New mum, scary thoughts?

You’re in the early days of motherhood and you’re trying to make the most of your baby bubble, but your brain seems to have missed the memo. Instead, you’re plagued with worries and distressing thoughts over the safety of your baby.  

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Half of new mums have intrusive thoughts after their child is born, and sometimes, this can be a sign of postnatal anxiety, depression or OCD.  

What are intrusive thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts that can pop into your head unexpectedly. They’re often repetitive, with the same kind of thoughts cropping up again and again. They can be in the form of  doubts, images, sounds, impulses and statements, and they can be uncomfortable, disturbing and distressing.

The content of intrusive thoughts varies from person to person - we all worry about different things, right? But if you’re a new mum, your thoughts might center around your baby and their wellbeing. Here are some examples of how intrusive thoughts can sound:

• “What if I drop my baby?”

• “What if I drown my baby in the bath?”

• “What if I hurt my baby?”

• “What if my baby gets seriously ill?”

• “Would my baby be better off without me?”

• “What if social services take my baby away?”

Why am I having intrusive thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts can make you wonder whether there’s something wrong with you, but they’re actually very common. 100% of new mums have thoughts about their baby being accidentally harmed, while 50% have thoughts about harming their baby. Of course, just because they’re common, doesn’t make them any less uncomfortable.

A lot of the time, people don’t open up about intrusive thoughts because they’re worried that others won’t understand and that they might be judged. Some new parents even worry that social services will take their baby away if they tell someone what’s going through their head.

It’s important to remember that intrusive thoughts are what we call ‘ego dystonic’, AKA the opposite of what we actually want or intend to do. Having intrusive thoughts about something doesn’t mean that you’re capable of carrying them out. People often feel guilty or ashamed about their intrusive thoughts, but they don’t make you a bad person or a criminal.

Some people can let intrusive thoughts come and go, without attaching any meaning to them, but if your intrusive thoughts are persistent and have a serious impact on your mood, they might be a symptom of a mental health issue. As a new parent, intrusive thoughts can be more common when you’re stressed and don’t have much support around you.  

How to deal with intrusive thoughts

When you become a parent, all you want is to enjoy time with your baby, and it can be really disappointing when intrusive thoughts get in the way of that. Here’s how you can take control of intrusive thoughts to make your head a calmer place:

1. Recognise the thought for what it is - just a thought. Thinking is not the same as doing and having intrusive thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person.

2. We know it’s easier said than done, but don’t fixate on the thought. The more attention you give to an intrusive thought, the more likely it is to rear its ugly head again.    

3. Trying to block the thought might do more harm than good. If someone tells you not to think about bananas, what do you immediately think of? Acknowledge the thought and then let it go.

4. Be wary of compulsive behaviour (AKA checking that your baby’s formula is formula and that you didn’t mix it up with something dangerous) because it keeps you focused on the thought and can lead to a negative cycle of obsessions and compulsions.  

If you’re unable to manage your thoughts, it’s a good idea to bring it up in your postnatal check-up or make an appointment with your GP so that they can refer you to a mental health service. There’s absolutely no shame in getting help and your doctor shouldn’t judge you for the content of your intrusive thoughts.  

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for mental health disorders like anxiety, depression and OCD. At ieso, we offer typed CBT where you can speak to a qualified therapist online from the comfort of your own home so there’s no need to make any childcare arrangements. Our appointments are flexible and you can book one here without having to see a GP.

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Looking after yourself as a new parent

Self-care is often the last thing on a new parent’s mind. It can feel impossible to find time to change out of your PJs, shower and eat before noon, let alone factor in R&R. And, even if you do find the time, there’s the small matter of the little person who comes with you everywhere (including the toilet).

Although it’s not always possible to prioritise yourself as a new mum, taking care of your wellbeing can make a HUGE difference to your mental health. Often, the little things are the big things, like eating healthy meals, getting fresh air and staying in touch with people.  

If you have friends and family in your life who would be happy to watch your baby for a few hours, don’t be afraid to ask. Take some time to yourself to take a bath, have a nap or do something you enjoy - whatever makes you feel good.  

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish - you’re important too. And the more rested you are, the better you’re able to take care of your baby and support your family.