Home
Get started
What we treat
Why online therapy
How it works
How it works
Meet the therapists
Wellbeing blog
Support
Log in
Grief is something that we will all go through at some point, and yet each of us will experience it differently. Sometimes grief is intense and overwhelming, other times it lingers quietly in the background, and often it’s a mix of feelings.
People don’t always talk about how grief affects them, especially as time goes on after their loss, but when we don’t open up, it can lead to us feeling isolated, lonely and distressed. This is something that The Good Grief Trust is trying to change.
During National Grief Awareness Week (2nd-8th December), The Good Grief Trust is on a mission to get the public talking about grief. The more conversations we have around grief, the more normal it becomes so that people feel comfortable to share what they’re going through, or seek help if they need it, no matter how long it’s been.
How you might feel after a bereavement
Everyone responds to loss in their own way. You might find that grief kicks in immediately, setting you on a rollercoaster of emotions, or you could find that it takes a while to process what’s happened, leading to you feeling blank, numb, detached and unable to express yourself.
The truth is that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and there’s no time limit on how long it takes someone to come to terms with a loss. We all cope differently and the best thing you can do is to take each day as it comes, without putting too much pressure on yourself.
Although everyone’s experience of grief is entirely personal, here are some of the more common emotions that people go through:
Growing with grief
This year, The Good Grief Trust has given National Grief Awareness Week the theme of ‘Growing with grief’. They’re focusing on the idea that while losing a loved one can feel like an ending, it can also be a catalyst for new beginnings. Although grief changes us, we can grow into someone who’s more resilient, compassionate and aware of what’s really important.
How to take care of yourself following a loss
For many of us, losing someone we love is one of the most difficult things that we’ll ever go through. Grief comes with some exceptionally challenging emotions, and it can be complicated, depending on your relationship with the person you lost.
When we bury these feelings, rather than opening up about them to the people in our lives, this can make us feel really lonely, on top of everything else we’re going through. Talking to the right person, and being listened to by them, can help us to feel supported and less alone. It can also help us to process our feelings, so that we’re able to find a way forward. We’ve written more about talking about grief here.
If you’re struggling to talk to the people in your life, or you don’t feel as though they really understand, there are bereavement services that can offer support. Scroll to the bottom of this article to find out more.
When we lose a loved one, it’s only natural to want to keep their memory alive. Some people create a memory box where they keep things that remind them of the person they’ve lost. This could include some of their possessions, photos of the good times you had together, cards or letters.
Doing this can not only help you feel connected to the person you’ve lost, which is comforting, but it also helps you to feel like you’re containing your grief in a safe way. You can open the box intentionally when you want to remember your person and spend some time remembering them.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to just ‘get over’ your grief. There’s no time limit on how long grief will last and many people feel as though it never truly goes away. It can be easy to compare ourselves to others, but remember that everyone is different and people aren’t always fully open about how they’re really feeling.
When grief feels all-consuming, it can be hard to stick to your normal routine and healthy habits, but these things can make a huge difference to how we feel. Eating regular balanced meals, spending time outdoors and exercising are all great ways to support your mood.
Sleep is really important too. Some people find that after losing someone, all they want to do is sleep, while others struggle to get enough. When we’re lying in bed with nothing to distract us, we’re more likely to have thoughts about the person we’re missing, which can bring up stress and difficult emotions. It’s also common for people to have nightmares and flashbacks.
Re-setting your sleep routine can be really helpful. You might want to try relaxation exercises before bed, stay away from screens, caffeine and sugar, listen to an audiobook and try going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. Find more advice in Sue Ryder’s grief guide.
When someone dies, there’s often quite a lot to do at first. You might be sorting funeral plans or have a lot of people phoning or visiting you. But, at some point, life goes back to ‘normal’ and you have to learn to live without the person you’ve lost.
It can be really hard to keep going, but it’s so important that you do. Make an effort to stay in touch with people, make plans, practice self-care and keep living. Your life isn’t over and it can still be meaningful, purposeful and fun (even if that feels hard to believe right now).
When should you seek professional support?
Grief can have a big impact on our mental health, so it can be difficult to know whether what you’re going through is a ‘normal’ part of the process or something more. According to Mind, you might need mental health support if:
You can make an appointment with your GP, who will be able to help you figure out what’s going on, inform you about possible treatment options and help you to find the best way forward. If you are struggling with a mental health issue, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) could help.
ieso offers typed CBT, where therapist and patient write back and forward to each other via our secure online platform. Our service is professional and flexible with appointments that suit you. You can access ieso therapy for free via the NHS - to check if ieso is available in your area please visit our website.
Bereavement resources and support services in the UK
Marie Curie - Bereavement due to cancer
Samaritans - Support 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk
Cruse Bereavement Support - Support after bereavement
Bead Project - Bereavement due to drugs and alcohol
Child Bereavement UK - Support when a child is dying, or support for a child who has been bereaved
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) - Nationwide support for bereavement by suicide
You might have spotted a fresh look around here - and you’re right! We’ve had a little makeover. Mindler (you may know us as ieso) now has a new visual identity.
Before perimenopause, life felt manageable - work, family, friends, even your keys. Now? Everything feels off. You're not alone.
Some online tests are written without any form of mental health expertise or trusted sources, which makes them unreliable and (obviously) the kind of thing you’d want to avoid.