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As a parent, thinking about all the ways that the online world could impact your child can make your chest feel a little bit tighter.
We know that the internet can add value to our lives and it’s no different for kids, who might use it for homework, games or connecting with friends and family. But, there’s also the darker side of the web, and even if you trust your child not to seek out dodgy sites, they’re not necessarily in control of where the algorithms are guiding them.
Things like cyber-bullying, harmful content and comparison culture can have a negative impact on a child’s mental health and self-esteem.
Although as parents, we want to protect our children, it can be difficult to have full control of their online worlds, especially as they get older and if they use social media (whether they’re allowed to or not). What we can do is make sure that they’re as informed as possible about the risks of the internet, so that they can spot the dangers for themselves.
Here are our tips for how to keep your kids safe online for better mental health:
Normalise having conversations about the internet
Most of us will spend a fair bit of time online, so talking to our friends about content that we’ve seen or apps that we use is pretty common. Having similar chats with your kids can help you to stay in the loop with what they’re up to and spot any potential risks. You could ask them which websites they like or what games they’re playing and whether they can show you how they work.
The earlier you start having these conversations, the more normal they’ll feel for you as a family.
Think about how to handle difficult chats
If you find out that your child is using a website, platform or a game that’s not age-appropriate, or you think their online behaviour is unsafe, think about the best way to have this conversation with them before you go straight in.
If you’re feeling angry or emotional, you might want to wait until you’ve calmed down. The chances are that they’ll respond to you better when you seem more balanced.
It can also help to explain to them why you’re concerned about their behaviour. If they understand the reasons why what they’re doing might not be safe, they’re more likely to take this on-board and stick to your rules.
Explain the risks of sharing personal information
Even as adults, we can share personal information without thinking, so it’s really important to have this conversation with your kids to keep them safe. Here are some things to cover:
Show them how to use privacy settings on social media
Most social platforms say you have to be aged 13+ to sign up, but we know that a lot of kids create accounts when they’re even younger than this. That’s why it’s best to give them the low-down on social media and online stranger danger early on.
Lots of parents will have access to their children’s social media accounts to make sure they’re being safe, but it is possible that your child might have an account that you don’t know about, so it’s still a good idea to give them a lesson in privacy settings, just in case.
Explain social media vs reality
Social media filters are getting more and more popular, especially amongst young girls. Research from Dove’s Self-Esteem Project found that 80 percent of girls have downloaded a filter or used an app to change how they look in photos by age 13.
Some photo edits might be obvious (think puppy ears and heart eyes) but a lot of them are really subtle and you’d never know the image has been tweaked. This can create a warped sense of reality where girls compare how they look to a ‘perfected’ image of someone else, which makes them feel like they don’t measure up. And research shows that this pressure is having a negative impact on mental health.
But it’s not just filters that can mess with our perception. On social media, people tend to post the ‘best bits’ of their lives, leaving out the messy, mundane or harder stuff. This can make it seem like everyone’s got it together, when really that’s not the truth.
It’s important that kids understand that social media isn’t always the full picture, so encourage them to take what they see with a pinch of salt.
Talk about cyberbullying
Being bullied has always been a difficult experience, but before the internet took over, most kids got a break once they were at home. Now, if a child has social media, it means that the bullying can follow them home and affect them 24/7. Scary, we know.
Not sure what cyberbullying looks like? Here are some common examples:
Even if you don’t think your child is being cyberbullied, it’s still a good idea to check in with them and let them know that they can always come to you for help. Some kids don’t tell their parents what’s happening because they’re scared their phone will be taken away, so you could also reassure them that you’re there to support them, not punish them.
You could also come up with a plan together, just in case they ever do experience cyberbullying. Here are some tips to get you started:
Set boundaries with their online usage
We get it; this can be easier said than done. Your child might push back when you try to separate them from their screens, but taking a break from the internet and social media is important for their mental health.
The boundaries that you set will depend on how old your child is; younger children who don’t have a phone or as much school work will probably have less screen time than teenagers. But as soon as it’s appropriate, have a chat with them and lay down some rules about how much time they spend online.
You might want to say no to screens around bedtime, because this can affect their sleep, or at the table when you’re spending time as a family. Ideally, you want to teach them good habits early on, so that they carry these with them as they get older.
Be a good role model
If your kids see that you’re constantly online, checking your phone at mealtimes and gaming late into the night, the chances are that they’ll copy you. Instead, try to live by the rules that you set for them; put your phone away during family time, read before bed instead of scrolling, don’t share their personal information to your social media (and so on). The less hypocritical they think you’re being, the more likely they are to listen to you.
At ieso, we offer online cognitive behavioral therapy for a range of common mental health issues, like anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Our service is entirely remote with typed sessions and video calls in some areas. Speak to one of our experienced therapists at a time that’s convenient to you. Find out more.
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