How guilt can lead to anxiety

Find us someone who’s never made a mistake - we’ll wait. Making mistakes is part of being human and we’ve ALL done things that we regret and feel guilty about.  

Guilt is a universal emotion but it can be really difficult to sit with. It’s uncomfortable - and sometimes distressing - to reflect on our poorer choices and failures, what they say about us and what we could have done differently.

However, believe it or not, there can be an upside to guilt. Guilt acts like a moral compass, which lets us know when we’ve done something that goes against our values. That uneasy feeling we get motivates us to make amends and deters us from repeating the mistake, which helps us to grow.

But what about when we feel constantly guilty, even after we’ve learnt our lesson, or when something wasn’t our fault? This can be a sign of a guilt complex, and it can lead to mental health issues, like anxiety.

What’s a guilt complex?

A guilt complex is where you have a persistent belief that you’ve done something wrong. The guilt that you feel can stem from past mistakes, but it can also be perceived or imagined, where you feel bad about things that aren’t your fault or that you had nothing to do with.

Guilt complexes can create a cycle of blaming yourself for your mistake, feeling ashamed about the situation and then feeling anxious about the potential repercussions. Living in this loop can be really stressful, taking a toll on your mental health and wellbeing.  

What’s the difference between guilt and anxiety?

Although guilt and anxiety often go hand-in-hand (think peanut butter and jelly but on a less enjoyable scale), they are two separate things. Someone with an anxiety disorder will have constant feelings of worry and fear that dominate their thoughts, whereas guilt is the emotion you feel when you believe that you’ve done something wrong or wronged someone.

Both guilt and anxiety can cause rumination, but generally someone with anxiety will worry about a future event, whereas with guilt, worries tend to be focused on past events.  

Does guilt cause anxiety?

Yes, guilt can lead to anxiety. When we feel guilty about something, we might ruminate on our mistakes and dwell on the consequences of them. This can leave us feeling anxious about any harm that we caused and how our relationships might be affected.  

Here’s an example: You forget your friend’s birthday and feel guilty about it. First, you judge yourself and worry that this means you’re not a good friend. Then, you worry that your friend will be mad at you for missing their birthday, and begin to ruminate on the negative ways they might feel or act towards you. As a result, you feel anxious about making contact with them.  

Excessive guilt, where you feel guilty all the time, means that you might constantly be second-guessing yourself and questioning what you could or should have done, causing you to worry about how others see you. This is very stressful and could contribute to you developing an anxiety disorder.  

What is guilt-tripping?

Guilt tripping is where someone makes you feel guilty in order to get you to do something. They might bring up something that you already feel guilty about, or they might manipulate you into feeling guilty about something that you don’t need to. Sometimes guilt tripping is intentional and sometimes it’s accidental.

Here are some signs that you’re being guilt tripped:

• They use statements that induce guilt, such as ‘if you loved me, you would…’

• They bring up your past mistakes to make you feel bad

• They suggest that you owe them, perhaps by reminding you of a favour they did for you

• They suggest that you haven’t pulled your weight in a situation, compared with them

• They seem angry but when you ask them what’s wrong they say ‘nothing’

• They act passive aggressively towards you or use sarcasm to put you down

• They give you the silent treatment or hold back affection when you won’t do what they want

When someone guilt trips you, this can create feelings of anxiety. You might worry that something ‘bad’ will happen if you don’t agree to do what the other person wants you to do. For instance, you might think that they’ll judge you, or that they’ll feel or act negatively towards you.  

If you’re frequently on the end of a guilt trip, you might develop a guilt complex, which can interfere with your life and have a negative impact on your mental health.  

How to manage feelings of guilt

1. Acknowledge your guilt

Before you can get over your guilt, you have to acknowledge it. Ask yourself where your guilt is coming from; is it something you need to own and make amends for, or are you unsure whether you should feel guilty? If it’s the latter, you might want to consider whether you have a guilt complex.

2. Show yourself compassion

Remember, making mistakes is part of being human and we ALL do it. When you’ve done something you’re not proud of, it’s important to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. Think about what you’d say to a friend if they were in your situation; if you’d reassure and comfort them, try to show yourself the same level of compassion.  

3. Find the lesson

When we make a mistake, we have the opportunity to learn and grow from it. Reflect on the situation and ask yourself what you could do better next time, then when you’ve learnt the lesson, allow yourself to let go and move forwards.  

4. Make amends with people

If your mistake has upset someone or caused them harm in some way, be accountable by taking responsibility and making amends. This could look like apologising or showing up for them in different ways.

5. Get help if you need it

If feelings of guilt are taking over your life and you’re unable to manage the situation, it might be time to get help from a professional. Your GP can refer you to a mental health service that will be able to support you.  

Can therapy help with guilt?

Yes, therapy can help with persistent guilt. Guilt can both trigger mental health issues and be a symptom of a mental health disorder, but therapy can help you to decipher what the problem is and give you guidance on how to tackle it.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) addresses and challenges negative thought patterns, which can induce guilt and shame. When you’ve recognised when and why these are happening, your therapist will work with you to change the way that you think and behave, to stop these thoughts from taking hold.

Dan, a clinical supervisor at ieso says...

In my clinical experience I have found CBT to be very effective in helping you overcome guilty feelings. This might be through challenging your guilt-based thinking, taking a step back and analyzing the evidence before you blame yourself. It can also help to look at your past experiences, how these may have contributed to unhelpful rules or assumptions that mean you often look for fault in yourself rather than looking at the bigger picture. These and other CBT interventions often help people to reappraise their guilt, give themselves permission to let go of those unhelpful feelings and move on with their lives.  

At ieso, we offer typed CBT with online appointments that you can join from your home. We also offer video calls in some areas. Find out more about CBT with ieso.